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What a life..! I feel like shouting it out.. as loud as possible! HAHA. Things just work themselves out..in a miraculous..funny..unpredictable way.. When I thought I could never feel any kind of happiness no more..it came from unpredictable people,in obviously an unpredictable way. For the first time since forever, now I know how it feels to be a happy single fighter... A single fighter, just wanting to reach beyond my dreams...To me..merely getting what I've always dreamed of is not an achievement, it's ordinary..getting beyond what I've dreamed of..that's an achievement. Ambitious? Maybe. But that's a requirement I guess.. I need this kind of motivation to start off a brand new life, beyond whatever I've been working on so far. FINGERS CROSSED! Just wish me a very good luck in any way that I'm pursuing now..a piece of hint..something that goes in to your wardrobe! At this very moment.............I'm idolizing my daddyyy! Missing him so much, he's currently back home in Jakarta, still working on his ever-busy life... I received an unpredictable call from him yesterday evening, asking me to send our recent family photo through email... YEAP YEAP within minutes the photo is over to his Blackberry... I miss shopping CDs with him in any music stores....promoting new CDs I just bought...(though my hidden purpose was always to listen to my CDs in his room, that is equipped with fantastic sound system..).. but always..telling him what's nice is always..nice.HAHA.he's so much into Santana,which I think was the reason why I've always thought that Santana and his music are both equally fantastic.. I've never been a daddy's little girl, we're more like discussion partners..Thanks to our similar interests in politics,music and of course movies.. We both share common interest in politics..I love and will always remember those moments when we were discussing about politics,both the Indonesian and American..Our interest in movies is unbeatable! We both love shopping for DVDs and we're against piracy.!! hahahha because i think we both appreciate movies so much that we cant bear buying the pirated ones..DADDYYYYYYYY!hahha Okayyy enough of my daddy story.. YEAP. when i feel lonely..i'll just dream away and hope that, someday my prince will come..! LOVE, asti |
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Dear life. I love it this way. Like whatever I feel now, whatever happens now, it's just right. It may not be the thing that I have been hoping for all this while. BUT, i realise it's just part of the "blessing in disguise". Now I learn how to love myself, and more importantly how to be independent. This would mean I have to stand on my own feet, stop being so affected by stuffs around me. THAT'S GOOD RIGHT? |
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what about being envious? It's still vivid in my memory when I said "I think I'm very unlucky.." and somehow one of the girls said "How can you be unlucky? You are SO lucky. At least someone's there for you." I was tearing.. How could I not appreciate what I already had? There were days when I was very very envious of girls who seem to be very comfortable being next to their guys (be it boyfriends/husbands/or just merely best friends). Yes, I understand. The very impression you may get is 'Her world only revolves around LOVE LIFE. And that's about it'. If I could ever have a choice. I'd really rather not having a LOVE life like this. My other sides of life, are just PERFECT. Great family, great friends... What more can I ask for? I really thought my life was completely flawless. Til that terrible-tearing-horrendous decision was made. then.. ASTI! CAN'T YOU JUST LIVE WITHOUT THEM? I CAN. or at the very least I COULD. But really, who doesn't long for someone to love? Think about it. I had never tried to look for love. LOVE came. But just within a blink of an eye, it's GONE. OH well. sometimes I feel I really can't take it. So many things left unexplained. Things are just TOO blur. I feel lonely sometimes. I miss someone I'm not supposed to. I hope for something I DON'T KNOW whether I should continue hoping for. OH dear. "Every night she cries herself to sleep, thinking how does this happen to me? Why does every moment have to be so hard?" |
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Have faith. "Have faith in your dreams and someday |
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I'm wondering... WHEN would it come back.. and HOW it'll turn out to be.. ~~I only need you to say ONE and ONLY word : STAY~~ I don't know whether it's so hard.. And I don't know whether I can trust DESTINY. I've trusted it TOO much.. way way TOO much until I got carried away by it.. and would never get myself back to the reality.. GOSH. |
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Share my life, take me for what I am Cause I'll never change all my colours for you Take my love, I'll never ask for too much Just all that you are and everything that you do I don't really need to look very much further I don't want to have to go where you don't follow I won't hold it back again, this passion inside Can't run from myself There's nowhere to hide (Your love I'll remember forever) Don't make me close one more door I don't wanna hurt anymore Stay in my arms if you dare Or must I imagine you there Don't walk away from me... I have nothing, nothing, nothing If I don't have you, you, you, you. You see through, right to the heart of me You break down my walls with the strength of you love I never knew love like I've known it with you Will a memory survive, one I can hold on to |
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Don't stray, don't ever go away I should be much too smart for this You know it gets the better of me Sometimes, when you and I collide I fall into an ocean of you, pull me out in time Don't let me drown, let me down I say it's all because of you And here I go, losing my control I'm practising your name so I can say it to your face It doesn't seem right, to look you in the eye Let all the things you mean to me Come tumbling out my mouth Indeed it's time to tell you why I say it's infintely true Say you'll stay, don't come and go Like you do Sway my way, yeah I need to know All about you And there's no cure, and no way to be sure Why everything's turned inside out Instilling so much doubt It makes me so tired - I feel so uninspired My head is battling with my heart My logic has been torn apart And now it all turns sour Come sweeten every afternoon It's all because of you It's all because of you Now it all turns sour, come sweeten every afternoon It's time to tell you why, I say it's infinitely true It's all because of you It's all because of you It's all because of you |
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"Feelings, nothing more than feelings, trying to forget my feelings of love. Teardrops rolling down on my face, trying to forget my feelings of love. Feelings, for all my life I'll feel it. wish I've never met you, you'll never come again. Feelings, feel you again in my arms. Feelings, feelings like I've never lost you and feelings like I've never have you again in my heart." Knowing you was so wonderful.. so wonderful that I couldn't even remember when exactly I started to feel it. Have you ever realised how much I've appreciated you thus far?... You may never know.. You came at the exact right time when I almost forgot how it feels to be appreciated.. Since then, I regained my trust, regained the spirit that I think I had lost for so long... Perhaps.. it was not the right time.. but I really want you to know that I appreciate you so so much. Thank you for what you have done to me.. You've brought back something that had been lost.. That was happiness. How I wish I don't have to lose it again.. Someday perhaps, I will get it back. |
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1. woke up in the morning, felt nothing 2. put on the floral dress and vintage red belt. thought it looked good. 3. got on the bus. looked out of the window and tried to smile. didnt take too much effort. 4. reached. 5. saw a smile painted on that face. smiled too. 6. had lunch. for the first time in days. 7. movie? great idea! 8. didnt want to let me go. sweet! 9. the coldness was killed. replaced by the warmth. undescribable warmth. 10. laughter. laughter. laughter. 11. my day just got better. 12. felt loved. smiled. even wider. 13. laughter. laughter. laughter. laughter. 14. walked around. smiled. laughed. a lot. 15. was about time to shop. 16. dinner? good idea he had. 17. talked. good chat we had. a very very good one. 18. laughter. laughter. laughter. laughter. laughter. 19. sun had already set. our day had not. 20. good stuffs. was about time to do more shopping. 21. cool sweater. nice colour. nicely fit. perfect. 22. walked around. again. but never got bored. 23. laughter. laughter. laughter. laughter. laughter. laughter. 24. was about time to say goodbye. a really good goodbye. 25. waiting. but never felt like waiting. for once i hearted waiting. 26. got on the bus again. smiled. peaceful mind. 27. got home. 28. got a call. 29. nice chat. lively conversation. good music. great company. 30. good night sleep. smile was still on. |
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my heart cant lie, and it wont be able to.. how great it would be to feel that feeling once again. and not to let go, again. i will never regret. |
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i cant stop listening to chris brown's with you. coz i really want to be with you. please tell me you do, too. |
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How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. |
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Dear GOD, this is the time of my life I've always wished for. How thankful I am knowing that this is not a dream, it's what's called reality. Even if this was, hopefully not, a dream, I pray I won't be waking up from this dream. Forever, if possible. Not trusting the situation in the beginning, now I find myself adoring every second of my life, each and every day. I've finally come to a realisation, not trusting and not letting myself drowned in this love is awful. One huge thing to learn: to love is to trust. And I realise, I can only be truly honest to myself. Decision has been made. From day one, I have loved. If I had loved, what's the best reason for me not to trust? |
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Incompatible, it DONT matter though.. |
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I'm totally in LOVE with myself. Making myself sinking in an endless indulgence is what I'm doing now. |
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A LOT! |
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For all those who know what had been happening to me lately, reading this entry may just be a recap of what i have said.. |
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Pardon me for the name of the blog.. well that's the only thing i could think of at least. :) i do hope y'all can enjoy reading my blogs..which most probably will be used as a media for me to express my feelings. ENJOY! and feel free to add comments..i'll be glad to hear from y'all too! |
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